The Hunters' Perfect Target
by Worlds Apart MS Hunters
Summary: A Round Robin. It's war on all mary sues. What's the fellowship to do?
1. And it begins

Disclaimer: We not own Lord of the Rings. I thought this would be obvious by now.

Authors' Notes: This has been a round robin complied so far by Aman'mai, Serphent, Klutzy34, and Insane Pineapple from Worlds Apart. Others will most likely join in later. 

The Hunters' Perfect Target

Darkness had befallen Middle Earth. The stars grew dim, and leaves faded as the evil grew near.  
  
  
Elrond looked around at the council before him. Frodo seemed to shaking dreadfully, and Sam looked about wildly as if being pursued by some unknown evil. As calm as they usually were, Legolas and Aragorn in turn threw cautious glances over the railing. Gimli muttered curses under his breath at the sight.   
  
"What ails you, son of Gondor?" Gandalf asked as he stood before the council. Elrond watched the member's reactions keenly.   
  
"It seems to me, certain members of this fellowship have been attacked. We do not know where this force was bestowed from, but we do know they do not give in easily," Aragorn answered as he checked the secure area once more.  
  
"What of this new evil?" Elrond asked as he looked to every man, elf, dwarf, and hobbit in turn. It was Haldir who answered.  
  
"They attack with a force matched by no other. They have invaded our homes and have stationed themselves outside our doors. I, myself, barely made it to this council at all. Their eyes are ever watchful. They do not sleep, and their seems to grow above that our defense," Haldir answered as his eyes betrayed no pain from his voice.  
  
"Who?" Gandalf asked worriedly as he leaned against his staff.  
  
"The Mary Sues," Frodo answered quietly.

Boromir stood up swiftly and moved to the center.  
  
"I say we kill them before they drive us mad! They cannot be let to ravage Middle Earth unchecked!"  
  
Elrond's eyes narrowed as he listened to Boromir.  
  
"They are but girls, we cannot morally harm them."  
  
"They're not girls! They're monsters! On my way here I was accosted by a black haired, purple eyed, so-skinny-she'd-be-the-stick-you-wouldn't-want-to-poke-her-with 'elf'. I nearly suffocated..."  
  
Aragorn looked calmly at the Steward-Heir of Gondor.  
  
"Nonetheless, we cannot harm them..."  
  
"They infiltrate our minds!"  
  
"But I agree, we must do something. Death would be too good for them."  
  
Boromir began to understand where Aragorn was heading.  
  
Legolas stood.  
  
"I agree with Aragorn, I believe I have been the most tackled, kissed passionately and brainwashed than any of you."  
  
"It's his hair," snickered Merry.  
  
Legolas shot hima glare that shut him up, and went to continue.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!" something screamed, or squealled.  
  
Legolas closed his eyes patiently and side stepped a glomph.  
  
*THUD*  
  
He felt one of his tension headaches coming on.

Aragorn raised an eyebrow as the girl landed with a thud.  
  
"Lord Elrond, not even our place of council is safe from this...devilry." He said, standing up.  
  
Elrond nodded, sitting down in his chair and taking his traditional thinking pose. "I agree. But what shall be done about it?"  
  
Sam twitched audibly. "Mary Sue..." he groaned.  
  
Frodo looked over in concern, but said nothing. Pippin stood nearby, a confused expression on his face.  
  
"What's a Mary Sue?" He asked, but the question fell on deaf ears.  
  
Aragorn stood up. "I see fear in your eyes, the fear that would take the very heart of me. But we can't let them see that fear. Today, we fight!" He said, slamming a fist into his open palm.  
  
Legolas continued to rub his temples. "Aragorn, that would be a lot more encouraging if you weren't about to be glomped..."

*thud*  
  
Glorfindel entered the balcony out of breath. "We cannot hold them back! There are too many for my elf eyes to count!" he exclaimed.  
  
"We must make a stand! They cannot capture us to their vile torture devices!" Gimli shouted as he raised his axe.  
  
"Gimli?" Pippin said nervously as he pointed behind the energized dwarf.  
  
"Yes, Master Hobbit?" he answered he brought his axe down.  
  
"I think you and Legolas will have plenty to fight before the night is over," Merry said as he edged back away from the balcony.  
  
The Mary Sues were scaling the walls.

"Ai!" Legolas climbed onto his chair. "We come to it at last!" He cried, pulling out his twin blades. Aragorn put a hand on his.   
  
"They will do you no good. They are invincible...almost."   
  
The blades dropped to the ground. "What shall we do then?"  
  
Gimli, however, refused to drop the axe. "Let them come. They cannot withstand the fury of a dwarf!"  
  
Aragorn shrugged. "Your funeral."  
  
The trees above them shook, and Elladan and Elrohir tumbled to the ground.  
  
"I told you not to sit on that branch!"  
  
"It seemed steady!"  
  
"Look, we have bigger problems right now." Elladan said, standing up and brushing himself off.  
  
Aragorn and Legolas looked at each other.  
  
"We have to slow them down."  
  
"I know. Any suggestions?"  
  
"Shoot 'em. Shoot 'em all."  
  
"That might slow them down."  
  
"Might being the scary key word there..."

~~~

Slowly and skillfully the writers of the cursed mary sues began to climb the wall and trees. One young girl, being filled with joy, jumped unto Frodo's back,"Marry me!"  
  
The others slowly climbed and planned their attack on the rest of the LOTR characters.  
"We should break this wall here." one young boy said pointing to the wall underneath the balcony,"so we can watch them fall to us."

Mary Sue nodded to her friend Mary Sue. They climbed with perfect grace up the gleaming wall. Mary Sue One spotted her target long before his elf eyes could spot her perfect visage. She swung her hips as she sauntered at to Legolas invitingly.  
  
"My, aren't we looking gorgeous today," she purred as she stroked his golden hair.   
  
Legolas scrambled away, but she moved closer. "What's the matter, my precious? Had enough of me already?"  
  
No one blinked twice as grabbed her, and threw her back over the balcony. "What?" he asked the hobbits.  
  
"You aren't supposed to kill them without good reason," Sam whispered quickly as he batted another one off with Gandalf's staff. It was the only big stick in sight.  
  
"She was a distant relative of Gollum's," he answered back as he dodged another one's assault.  
  
Frodo paused. "'Tis good enough for me."  
  
~~  
Mary Sue Two tried the more direct approach on her beloved ranger. She held a sword under Arwen's chin, and spoke calmly. "Come with us, or you will never see your beloved elf again," she threatened as pressed the blade harder.  
  
She didn't know what hit her until a vase knocked her unconscious.  
  
"Vile creatures, indeed," Gimli grumbled as he handed Araogrn the sword.  
  
The pushed and shoved their way over to Elrond. "What can we do now, Ada?" Arwen asked as a Mary Sue tripped over her silken dress. She gasped in horror at the stain it left.

Elrond looked to them.  
  
"I have a wife waiting for me in the Undying Lands."  
  
"When's the next ship?" asked Legolas anxiously.  
  
"Not for a long time..."  
  
Gimli yelled at them from the battlements.  
  
"There trying to bring down the wall, we can't hold 'em!"  
  
Elladan and Elrohir grabbed for eachother and Boromir, unthinkingly, looked to his king.  
  
"Is there no safe place?" he asked Elrond.  
  
"There is one place, that I hope may hold them, but you must seek Galadriel's council first. No doubt Sauron..."  
  
"Sauron has... these??" asked the hobbits in sync, except for Sam who was trying to detach the Sue from Frodo's back.  
  
"I'm not letting them get near Mr Frodo..."  
  
Sam wrestled the attacking Sue to the ground.  
  
Legolas looked to the rest.  
  
"I am willing to go to the depths of Mordor if it means getting away from these..." he shuddered delicately and drew his bow to head off a Stu.  
  
"How do we get there?"  
  
Elrond looked at them all sadly.  
  
"I'm afraid the pass east of here has been blocked by the Sues, you can either go past Isengard or through the gates of Moria."

~~~

Mary Sue 3,479, being perched on a branch over heard the conversation of their plan to escape. Then she spotted her love. "Gandalf," she said into the night air. Quickly she called upon her other Mary Sue's and told them of their plans for escape. The word spread like wild fire. The Mary sues began to disperse, but a select few remained.   
  
Mary Sue 3,479 met up with Mary sue 3,478.5 to have a quick talk of tactics. The Mary Sues were already making a S.W.A.T. team.   
  


"Have you seen Elrond?" 3,478.5 asked  
  


"No, have you seen Gandalf?" 3,479 asked   
  


"Why would I look for that ugly wizard?"  
  


"And why would I look for that femine elf?"   
  


"Well what are we going to do?"  
  


"After we find our men we keep them hostige and pray they aren't taken away."  
  


"Sounds good to me."  
  


They two Sue's went their seperate ways to find their loves.

  
Mary Sue 3,479 looked for her love. And she found him with out his staff. 'GOAL!' she thought. "Why hello there my love." 3,479 said taking off her cloak to reveal the revealing outfit underneath," Do you know how long I have been waiting for this moment? I don't think you do. I have dreamt about you for so long." 3,479 drew out a long rope and tied Gandalf up,"You're coming with me."  
  
Mary Sue 3,478.5 was having a hard time finding Elrond. She looked high and low for him. She even shoved many of her fellow Sue's and Stu's out of the way to find him. But to no avail,"Where are you my love?!" She shouted into the crowd.

~~

Aragorn let out a bellow. "ELENDIL!" He shouted, running towards the two girls running towards him, silken hair trailing behind them, lips puckered.  
  
But even the brave king, who had fought against hopeless amounts of orcs and persevered could not withstand the onslaught of Sues. He put on the breaks, turning the other way.  
  
One of the Sues grasped his cloak, shouting her undying love for him. Aragorn turned, banging the hilt of his sword on her head, and the hollow sound resonated around them. His eyes widened.  
  
"Their heads cannot be harmed. They are as hollow as Pippin's!" He cried.  
  
"Mah head's not hollow." Pipping said, when he suddenly left the ground, arms around his waist.  
  
"Pip-pip!" The oversized hobbit wannabe Mary Sue shrieked, squeezing him. Pippin started to turn a particularly interesting shade of purple in the process.  
  
Merry plucked Elrond's tiara off his head and whipped it like a frisbee at the Sue, scoring a hit as another hollow echo rang around the courtyard. Pippin scrambled loose and hid under Elrond's long robes, the fabric shuddering from time to time.  
  
Legolas tried to fight them off, but the elven Sues numbered too many, and he was pulled under, waving his arms and disappearing under the perfect bodies and blond hair. Aragorn dove in, pushing them aside, surfing in to grab his friend. He finally snatched Legolas's hand, pulling him to his feet and out of the group, running. The elf stumbled behind him, in a daze. In a somewhat safe distance, he turned to Legolas, worried.  
  
"How many fingers?"   
  
"Four."  
  
"Good. What's my name?"  
  
"Aragorn."  
  
"Good. What's yours?"  
  
"Will Turner."  
  
"Er..." He heard the incessant shrieking start again. "Good enough. Run!"

~~~ 

Gollum hissed as he batted off the irritating Mary Sues. "Must get the precioussss."  
  
"Get away from him!" Sam shouted. It was getting increasingly difficult to tell whether he was talking to the Mary Sues or to Gollum.  
  
"I want precious!" Gollum shrieked as he launched himself at Frodo.  
  
"You can't have him," Sam answered as he held out his sword.  
  
"You're not in this part of the story yet!" One of the Mary Sues yelled. They proceeded to attack Gollum as they defended their poor Frodo and Samwise.  
  
"Precious!" Gollum shouted as they drove him back away from the One Ring.   
  
Sam and Frodo crept back towards Elrond while the Mary Sues were distracted.  
  
~~~  
  
"The eyes of the enemy are moving," Legolas whispered to Aragorn as they hid in the underbrush.   
  
"We must hurry," Aragorn said as he set the last trap.  
  
"They're here!" Proclamations of love could be heard from the tops of the trees where the Mary sues had ensnared.  
  
"How long will they hold?" Gimli asked as he threw a rock at the nearest Mary Sue.  
  
"The defenses have to hold!" they heard Gandalf shout from somewhere in the deep.  
  
"They will hold," Aragorn answered as he scooped up Frodo and Sam. He ran twoards the mines with Gimli and Legolas close on his heels.


	2. Elves, Hobbits, and Purple Hair Dye

Authors' Notes: *looks smug* What did I say? What have grown considerably! The full list of people are Neo1, Sacred, hypah!éclair, Aman'mai, White Rabbit, Klutzy34, DoomHamster, DizzyKoalaQueen, Jute, xoxLilMoixox,  Tas, InsanePineapple. *grins* There just aren't enough Mary Sue hunters… 

A blonde haired, blue-eyed Mary Sue named...well, Mary Sue crept through the bushes. From under the foliage she could see two figures run past. She quietly began to stalk them.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn felt uneasy, there had been something following them for the last ten minutes that seemed to be giggling and hiccupping with excitement. What else could it be but one of those sources of pure evil, more commonly known as a Mary Sue.  
  
"There must be some way to destroy them," Legolas said rather desperately  
  


"Not that I know of," Aragorn sighed  
  


"Maybe they would go away if we...y'know gave them what they wanted."  
  


Aragorn froze. "What are you saying? That we give in to their evil desires?"  
  


"We could try."  
  


A thought crossed Aragorn's mind "You're loving this aren't you? You want the attention!"  
  


"Don't you dare accuse me of such things," Legolas blushed profusely  
  


"Here, I was thinking that you would want to get rid of this evil, but instead you're enjoying it!"  
  


"Well, I mean some of them aren't bad looking and are quite nice..."  
  
The Mary Sue jumped out of the bushes and on top of Legolas. "Finally! You've come to your senses!" she squealed hugging him tightly  
  


"Yes, I believe I have." Legolas gave Aragorn an "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking" look  
  
RUN!!

"Elrond!!" the shrill voice of Mary Sue 3,478.5 rang out from the crowd. She ran quickly to her love. Wrapping her arms tightly around him, she made sure he wouldn't escape. "You're mine; all mine!!"  
  
Elrond quickly became a keen shade of purple. "Let me go...." Elrond whispered. He was quickly slipping from Mary Sue 3,478.5. Elrond fell completely still after a short time.  
  


"Elrond, my love?" 3,478.5 shook Elrond violently trying to awaken him.  
  
"Elrond!!!!!!!" The Mary Sue gripped him tightly, not wanting to let him go in fear that a fellow Mary Sue may try to steal him. Merry and Pippin came out from his robes almost unnoticed. They tried to move away from the Mary Sue as quickly as possible. "Where do you think you are going? What were you doing to my poor love?"  
  


"Nothing." Merry said.  
  
"Nothing at all," Pippin agreed as the mischievous light came to his eyes.   
  
"Well, I don't like the idea of you being under his cloak. It disturbs me," Mary Sue said.  
  
"Well, possessive now aren't we." Pippin said  
  
"Yes, very much so," she agreed proudly.  
  
Merry and Pippin looked at each other puzzled. Together they jumped on the Mary Sue. 3,478.5 struggled at first, but then she got the idea they were trying to take Elrond away, so naturally she responded with great vigor. Quickly shoving them off like they were nothing of importance, she reminded herself they were nothing. Yet again they struck back. "Give it up," Merry yelled. And yet again the Mary Sue flung them off... when she pulled out her weapon...a flat iron.   
  
"You want to play, then come here." Mary Sue motioned to the hobbits as she grinned evilly.  
  
Still holding Elrond, Mary Sue knocked over a candle, starting a fire, and warming the iron over it.   
  
"Come here, Merry."  
  
Slowly, Elrond was awakening. "You're alive!!!!" Once again, the Mary Sue hugged Elrond tightly. Merry and Pippin fled for their lives. Elrond slowly faded back into his 'sleep'. "Elrond, stay awake!" The Mary sure slapped Elrond across the face. She then slowly took out a bottle of bleach. "You'll be sorry you fell asleep." She also pulled out a pair of scissors. Slowly, she began to cut locks of his hair off. After the hairstyle massacre, she put in the bleach. An evil smile slipped from her lips. The poor elf look as if he gotten in a fight with a lawn mower and lost.   
  
~~45 minutes later~~  
  
The slap across the face had kept Elrond under for some time. The Mary Sue had finished her hairstyle massacre, and left Elrond tied to a tree.

Frodo's eyes were wide with fear as he defensively held his sword in front of his face, pacing in a circle with his back to the ever faithful, gaffer-loving Sam.  
  
The two were surrounded by Mary-Sues on all sides, whose hideous smiles gleamed in the darkness of Moria, wishing they'd never ran when Legolas told them to. _Where is Aragorn?_  
  
The Mary-Sues' sneered and gnashed their teeth, hissing at their victims. The leader, a lanky teenage girl with matted blonde hair and tribal war paint on her face, let out a blood-curling cry.   
  
"AAAAIIII!"  
  
She charged straight for the fearful Frodo, who screamed in terror and dropped his sword, falling to ground and covering his head.

Sam quickly stood over his master looking this way and that while making sure none of the other Mary Sue's were going to make the same move.   
  
"Get away from us, you beasts!" Sam cried out into the army of Mary Sue's, "We don't want ya here."  
  
Just then, the Mary Sues began to split in the middle of their mass crowd. Sam boasted a bit mentally, thinking he had gotten through them. The most sinister of all sinister evils fell upon them. The darkness turned back the light, and all good in the world quivered under its might.   
  
"The first Mary Sue!" Frodo cried out in fear.  
  
"You would be right." Mary Sue said slyly.  
  
"Get away from him!" Sam yelled out.  
  
"No."  
  
Sam held still poised for action. He kept a good eye on Mary Sue. Slowly turning as she walked around them. Frodo stood up and looked around. He saw the Mary Sues' bow down to Mary Sue, and wondered what sort of power she had over them.  
  
"Look at them, Sam. They're all mad." Frodo whispered into Sam's ear.  
  
"Yes, I know Master."  
  
"What did you say? I couldn't hear you." Mary Sue yelled into Frodo's ear. He jumped and turned around to face her.   
  
"Nothing you would care to hear." Sam replied in a somewhat commanding tone. "Run, Mr. Frodo." Sam whispered to his beloved master when Mary Sue was far enough away.  
  
"No, Sam, I can't leave you here to die."  
  
"Just go, Mr. Frodo."  
  
"Go where?" Mary Sue asked. "Where is Mr. Frodo going to go?"  
  
Sam stayed quiet; he didn't wanting to dig their hole any deeper than he already had. Slowly Frodo and Sam begun to make their way closer to the break of the Mary Sues. An arrow soared through the air into the mass of Mary Sues. It was Aragorn.   
  
"Run!" Aragorn called out.  
  
"Get them all!!" Mary Sue yelled.

"AIII!" The Mary-Sue followers pumped their fists into the air and screeched- a sound more terrible to the ears then even the howl of the Nazgul.  
  
Frodo and Sam ran blindly through the opening off the army, which slowly closing...Before they'd gone far, the exit was completely blocked off. The Mary-Sue's puckered their lips, "Come here, Frodo!"  
  
"NOOOO!"

Aragorn backed away fearfully, worried for Legolas's safety. Immediately, a bunch of the Sues split off, coming after him. The ranger-king turned sharply and ran, the Sues in hot pursuit. "Must...get...to others...." He muttered, when suddenly his cloak was grabbed, effectively clothes lining him. He fell to the ground, as a perky brunette in a very short elven dress stood over him.  
  
"Hey, Aragorn!" She said with a wave, tucking her silky hair away from her perfect elven ears.  
  
"ARGH!" Aragorn screamed, jumping to his feet. She pouted, jumping on his back.   
  
"Where are you going?" She whispered in his ear.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It's touching me!" Aragorn bellowed. He let out a grunt as he was hit in the waist and taken down by another girl; this one was dressed in perfect ranger garb, her long black hair pulled back.   
  
"At last, I've found you my love!" She said, touching his face.  
  
"HELP ME!"  
  
"No one in Rivendell can here you scream, Aragorn."  
  
"Oh Valar, they're dead?"  
  
"No, just busy..."  
  
"Oh....ARGH! HELP ME!"  
  
"Why must you scream so, love?" The elven Sue asked as she sat on his back, pinning him to the ground.  
  
"Because...these terrible perfect girls are running all over the place, making us love them against our will, and they have no flaws, and we can't beat them..." He babbled.  
  
"How terrible! What can we do to help?"  
  
"HELP? You're the problem!"

Aragorn ducked as Glorfindel swung Gandalf's staff towards the nearest Mary Sue. They slowly made their way towards Arwen as Glorfindel beat the Mary Sues back one by one. Aragorn ducked under the assaults as he frantically looked for Anduril.  
  
Aragorn stopped dead at the sight before him. "She must die," Mary Sue whispered as she crept forward with a perfect elven blade.  
  
"He must die," Gary Stu muttered as slunk through the shadows.   
  
"Arwen?" he asked hurriedly. She met his eyes and dove towards him as the Mary Sues attacked.  
  
All around them, the Mary Sues attacked the Gary Stus as they searched for their beloved Ranger and Elf. Arwen and Aragorn crawled on their elbows under the frantic attack.  
  
Aragorn's jaw dropped as he reached the other side. "Min meleth?" Arwen questioned softly. What madness could have driven them to the shadows of insanity such as this?  
  
"What horror did this to you, Mellon?" Aragorn asked Legolas and Haldir in fear.  
  
"What do you speak of?" Legolas as he fell into complete befuddlement.   
  
"Your hair," Arwen answered for him as she rushed towards them. "Who could have done such a terrible thing?"  
  
Legolas' hair was now a brilliant shade of light purple. Haldir himself had neon green.

Legolas, Haldir and Aragorn had been backed up into a tree; members of the Fellowship all over Rivendell were being snogged to death.  
  
Boromir was blowing his horn incessantly while the Mary Sues around him tried to blow on something else...  
  
As one, the Sues all looked up, their ears twitching slightly.  
  
They blinked as one.  
  
They let go of their quarry as one.  
  
A tide of orcs came running into Rivendell.  
  
Sues screamed as they saw the hideousness of the fell beasts. Some tried to fight but were swarmed over. The more delicate Sues ran off squealing and screaming as they were slowly cut down.  
  
A dark shadow fell across the forgotten Middle Earth inhabitants.  
  
It hissed.  
  
"My lordsssss, come with usss if you want to live..."  
  
The Nazgul extended a sheet of parchment. It bore the seal of Sauron.  
  
_To Whom it may concern,_ (it read)  
  
_These beings that call themselves Mary Sues have arrived, and I offer you a temporary contract of fighting them off before we return to what we must do in the first place. I realize that many of you have experienced translocation, mind melding and other distasteful of which I am aware of. I assure you, that you are not the only ones and I, myself extend my hand to help you, as... if we have any chance of surviving this infestation. Needless to say, I feel that my orcs could do with the practice of smiting.  
  
Yours in hope,  
  
Sauron_

A particularly confident Mary Sue took the piece of parchment, quickly looked it over and turned over to the back. She seemed to be writing something on it. Everyone looked on in silent fascination.  
  
The message read: "MARRY ME FRODO!!!" in perfect pink handwriting. Frodo squealed. If he managed to get through this ordeal, he would definitely need to see a psychiatrist.

"Our secret is out." Legolas moaned, as the Sue grabbed the parchment. "If anyone wants me, I'll be in the tree." He grabbed a hold of a higher branch and climbed into the coverage of the leaves. Haldir followed him, leaving Aragorn, Sam, and Frodo behind, with the Sues and Orcs.  
  
"Stupid elves..." Aragorn muttered. Here he was, stuck between the orcs and the Sues. Not a good place to be, even if the orcs had offered safety. They were enemies before...was he supposed to trust them now?  
  
Sam stood in front of all of them, grasping Frodo's sword, as Frodo was a gibbering wreck at Aragorn's feet. "Back, you devils, back I say!" He shouted, poking a few of the Sues, who jumped back and squealed.  
  
"He's so cute!" One girl shrieked. Sam's eyes got wider. For once, someone was neither intimidated nor amused by his antics. They wanted to glomp him. Sam backed up until he hit Aragorn's legs.  
  
"Hope you have a plan to get us out of this, Mr. Strider, sir."

One of the Mary Sue's suddenly screamed a battle cry, dropping down from the roof onto the head of an orc. She grabbed his sword and slammed it into the belly of another one.  
  
"You'll never take them if we have anything to say about it!" she yelled. Rallied by her example, the horde of Mary Sues slammed into the orc army. The orc line wavered and broke, orcs turning and running for safety. A horde of three Sues grabbed one and dragged him back down.  
  
"I'll turn him from the darkness with my love!" one proclaimed. The orc look disgusted. His eyes spotted Legolas and Haldir in the tree.  
  
"Kill me now!"  
  
Legolas nodded and drew an arrow back, sending it towards the orc. The second Sue shouted a denial and leapt in front of him, taking the missile in her belly. The third Sue gave a cry and collapsed on her body, weeping.

Legolas looked at his bow in amazement.   
  
"How did she die? I thought they were indestructible."  
"I don't think she's dead" Haldir replied disappointedly.  
  
Almost as if she had heard him, the Sue leapt up and looked in the direction of where the arrow came from.  
  
Legolas looked at his friend. "Haldir, if I'm immortal, can I die?"  
Haldir mumbled something.  
  
The Sue angrily started to climb the tree, Legolas and Haldir sat frozen where they were and watched in horrified fascination, they saw her angry face coming closer and closer and closer and closer until she was less than a meter away, but then she stopped and fell backwards and behind her they saw Aragorn with his sword in the air.  
  
When they were all on solid ground again Legolas starting hugging Aragorn's legs and whimpering.  
  
Under his breath Aragorn said something that sounded very much like "Bloody coward."

By that time, Aragorn had two hobbits and an elf clinging to his legs, making it very hard to walk. He tried to hobble, only succeeding in nearly falling over if the point of Anduril hadn't jammed in the ground and held him upright.  
  
"Look, if you want to escape, you're going to have to let go." He said finally. Legolas blinked, then quickly detached himself.   
  
"Right. I was just scouting the ground for Sue marks." He said quickly, then bent over, as if scanning. "Yup, lots of them." With his back turned, he didn't catch Aragorn rolling his eyes as he tried to pry the two hobbits off. Sam came off after a bit of calming down, but Frodo refused. He clung vastly to Aragorn's leg, muttering unintelligibly.  
  
"He can take the Ring to Mordor, but he can't face a Sue." Aragorn muttered, using the blade to pry Frodo off. The hobbit gave a shriek and clung to Sam tightly.

Aragorn rolled his eyes at the petty group Gandalf had assembled to go into Mordor. Aragorn kept thinking that Gandalf had chosen nothing but cowards to do the job. After a while of turning the thought over in his head, he was abruptly brought back to the chaos surrounding him when a mass amount of Mary Sues came upon the small company. Aragorn held Anduril proudly knowing well enough that he would end up doing most of the work to ward off the evil beings.  
  
"Stand your ground." Aragorn said to his cowardly company.  
  
"Yes Mr. Aragorn sir." Sam replied, scared out of his mind.   
  
Legolas, Haldir, and Frodo were all standing in-between Aragorn and Sam for what they thought was safety. After noticing this Aragorn thrust forward into the Mary Sues and began to fight them off.   
  
Frodo then took on in Aragorn's example and followed suit. Sam quickly followed his master into the battalions of Sue's. Legolas had finally decided to toughen up and help out.   
  
Pulling out his bow, Legolas began to temporarily kill the Mary Sues farther off from his companions. Haldir, still standing there completely stunned, looked at his companions and thanked them all mentally. Once they had made a large enough opening he would go in and help farther ahead.

All of them looked up as they heard screaming. Not unlike an army of orcs pouring over the hills, Merry and Pippin were sprinting ahead of a shrieking crowd of Sues, once again shouting love and proposals.  
  
"Merry?" Pippin panted as they ran.  
  
"Yeah Pippin?"   
  
"Do you think we'll ever see the Shire again?"  
  
Merry looked over his shoulder. "It doesn't look so good right now, Pippin. Look, there's Strider. He's waving us over to him."  
  
Which was the exact opposite of what Aragorn was really doing. "NO! NO! Don't bring anymore Sues over here!" He shouted, but it was too late. Pippin and Merry leaped, clinging to the king's legs as more Sues joined the others. With two kicks, Aragorn dislodged them and started shouting. "Fall back! There's too many. Fall back!"  
  
The elves and hobbits were all too happy to comply.

The Sues started setting up camp, to the east there were about 10 of them pitching a massive pink tent and straight ahead about 20 Sues were flinging love letters and flowers over the walls, the Sues were not leaving in a hurry and it seemed like all hope was lost.

Aragorn took up the remaining energy he had in him and thrust forward in the crowd of Mary Sue's, it looked to him as though all hope was lost, but he knew in his heart that it couldn't be.  
  
Frodo fought on but when a Gary Stu started to come up to him, lust in his eyes, Frodo scream and ran behind Sam.  
"What are we going to do, Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"I don't know Sam. I think this'll be the end of us."  
  
"Don't say things like that Mr. Frodo. My gaffer would have had me head if I were to ever say a thing like that."  
  
"Now is not the time to hear about your gaffer, Sam."  
  
"With all due respect, Mr. Frodo, but my gaffer was a wise man, oh how I would give to see him now."  
  
Frodo rolled his eyes and eased his way toward Aragorn.  
  
"Strider what are we going to do?"  
  
"We are going to fight, Frodo, and hope, hope for the best."  
  
Frodo simply listened to him and continued fighting.

Would they live to see the end of the evil?

Authors' Notes: Review guys! We're not doing this for our own health (so maybe we are…), so we need feedback. 

Insane Pineapple: We seem to have left Gandalf *somewhere* and Elrond tied to a tree. The things we do to these poor characters. Although, it doesn't seem to compare to the horror Mary Sues put them through. 

DizzyKoalaQueen: Dammit! Why can't the Mary Sues die!

IP: If we knew that, we wouldn't be here.

klutzy34: *Plans demise of Sues*

DoomHamster: Mary-Sues? I say we kill 'em all in their sleep and sell their organs on the black market. I hear kidneys are worth a fortune...


End file.
